For anyone who has lost a child 

The suffering of losing a child – to violence, to hunger, to random genetic mutations that science explains simply as bad luck – can be overwhelming. As parents whose child has died or is dying, we can relate deeply to Jesus’ words in the Garden of Gethsemane, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow, even to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38)! And, as the pastors, parishioners, friends, and family members of those experiencing this suffering, it can be an uncomfortable or frightening call to walk alongside someone suffering in such a way.  

Where, here, is love? God’s love for us is present in, not despite, our pain. As we grieve our children, it can be easy to lose sight of the justness, generosity, or joy of God. And in all of these moments, we can with surety return to the foundational principle that God is love. 

In Jesus’ grief in Gethsemane, He turned to His friends. Each of us members of the Church has the opportunity to be the friend, present to the grieving person who sobs and sweats blood in the middle of the night.  

As community members who learn of the deaths of the children around us and are called to support their parents, let us heed the call to enter willingly into the pain of another and keep watch with loss parents. 

My fellow loss parents, let us marvel at the existence of our children and at our role in their being. Let us weep and wonder and cry out together at their passing. Let us take comfort in the Holy Spirit and remind both ourselves and each other how deeply beautiful their short lives were. 

My fellow support people, let us, the community members, rise to our call of providing loving, tender, and quiet care to those who grieve, and let us, the mourners, seek our consolation in the Great Comforter.

Dr. Abigail Jorgensen

Dr. Abby Jorgensen is an assistant professor of sociology and health care ethics at Saint Louis University and a birth and bereavement doula. Her mission is to support families through loss & to help other support people become more confident and comfortable as grief workers. You can learn more about her work at abbythesociologistdoula.com