We lost our son Fabrizio in an accident. In an instant, the “light went out”: silence, darkness, and anguish invaded us. 

How does one survive a child? I cannot imagine a deeper pain, nor can I communicate the sense of boundless and desperate injustice one feels. We felt dead along with Fabrizio. We were living, yes, but without the will to live anymore.

I remember the anger toward God that surfaced, in me especially, almost immediately, as if He wanted to punish us, or test us in a cruel and fierce way. It lasted for a long time. I felt a furious rebellion rising up that devastated me and made my pain even more fiery. But God did not listen to my imprecations. He was patient. He waited, a very long time, for us to return to Him. 

We were invited to a Baptism. During the homily, the priest made mention of the fact that Mary, just as she had said her unreserved yes to becoming Jesus’ mother, likewise had unconditionally accepted his cruel death. And this had been possible only because she had absolute trust in God and his Word. 

Not immediately, but those words, day after day, took root. Through those phrases, God gently knocked on our door to tell us that He was near, mysteriously, tenderly, tenaciously near, and loved us. Slowly we “tried” to listen again, to “take off the shoes” of our certainties to let Him comfort and embrace us. My husband and I, together, began to pray again, to ask for His help and healing. Little by little we experienced how God longed to carry that pain with us and soothe it with His consolation. I have the certainty that alone we could never have done it!

Day after day, our lives were profoundly transformed, filled with new meaning and new goals. We have felt called to lift up our heads and decentralize. By grace, we have become more attentive to the needs and pains of our friends and the people we cross paths with every day. And this new inner attitude, which I can only call a gift from God, incredibly, has restored hope and joy to our existences. Today we feel we can say that in Him and with Him we have been able to rise again.

Annamaria 

Friend of MEG Italy